cagejam (cagejam) wrote,

It’s beginning to feel like spring. It’s hard to explain the sensations. It could be 30 degrees out, but the sun is just warmer now. You can smell it in the air and feel it in the birds’ songs.

I imagine my belly growing along with the leaves on the trees and flowers that blossom. Lots of tube tops and home-cooked meals. Prenatal vitamins have been ordered. I have this overwhelming need to be the best person I can be for this baby. The most intelligent and full of knowledge, the most creative, the most loving and understanding. You make me want to be better. You make me better already. I want to teach you everything. I can’t wait to show you magick.

My planner has been my best friend and I imagine it will be getting a lot of use in the coming days. So much to prepare for. So much I could never prepare for. It’s all coming together.

Yesterday when I decided not to have an abortion, a weight was lifted. I had felt a sadness. As if it just weren’t right. The sadness is gone and motivation has replaced it. It is time for self-discipline and self love.

It feels right. Cigarettes have been quit. Books will be ordered tonight. Our spring cleaning has a deeper meaning.

  • (no subject)

    her submission is worth nothing when she submits to anything

  • 2 me, too me

    I don't even want that kind of attention, I just want to want it

  • (no subject)

    absence of presence presence of absence

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