August 8th, 2019

(no subject)

I’ve been enjoying the last bit of pot I can smoke. I found out that, through the methadone clinic, I can get medical marijuana with no hassle at all.
Dotting my T’s and crossing my eyes.

I release my need for control.
I release any fear, doubt, guilt and shame that I’m holding onto.

There is so much to be done but these days I don’t let it keep me from doing.
Life moves one moment at a time and it’s all we have and it’s all we can do.
It doesn’t have to feel overwhelming.

I am actively choosing now. I choose not to let it get to me. I choose not to get upset.
It doesn’t always have to be a big deal, but it becomes habit- making a big deal out of it.

Relearning response and loosening my fingers to give it some slack.

My peace doesn’t have to depend on anything and that is a revelation.

(no subject)

One day my hair will grow so long it will graze my hips as I walk.
I look forward to it.

For the first time in 4 years I am able to take a bath in my own home. Perhaps today Will be the day. I deserve it.

My apartment has been in the midst of remodeling for 3, almost 4 months now. It is nearing the end. All that remains is replacing the kitchen flooring (black and white striped vinyl tile, left over from the restaurants), painting a few doors, moving some furniture. The biggest project will be finishing our downstairs storage room which will become our art studio. The huge part of me that needs to nest has had a rough time of it, but the feeling of accomplishment is inspiring.

Today I will buy a sketch book, a nice one, no matter how much it costs. I’ve gotten so far away from my creative fire and it’s time to let it burn me up. I want to find my style again.

I love to write and I think my writing can provide for me. Today I’d like to write just one page of anything.

Nicolette ordered a candle from me, so after work once Loren finishes putting in my radiator I’m going to grab some more wax and pour my heart into it. I love to share my magic. I love to be paid for sharing my magic.

Things change at an alarming rate. The time passes anyway. I am actively making the most. These are days we’ll feel nostalgic for, so why not savor them presently?
Why not do what needs done and be done with it? Why not give it to myself?

*the infinite importance of having subtle goals. The crucial nature of intended progress.

(no subject)

I’ve been spending my days mastering my craft. I love being a psychic, being a tarot reader. The cards are so rich and supple, the meanings flood my mind. Lots of time and lots of notes. I feel reminiscent of a school girl, except with inspiration included. If I’m doing it, it will be done well. I don’t settle for subpar, I don’t allow room for poorly executed anything.

I am inspired and inspiring .

Maybe one day I’ll make my own tarot deck.




(no subject)

When I was a child I spent a lot of time with my grandmother. She had a beautiful garden with every flower for every season. I’d spend hours and days playing in these flowers, talking to fairies, being a kid. My mom’s favorite flowers are daisies and I’d always pick her a bouquet. Sweet memories of sweet times and sweet people.

I want to give you sweet memories, too.

(no subject)

Rose hip oil, easy mornings, lush greenery, cool tile on bare feet, running fingers through hair, feeding bees, feeding birds, sunflowers, lipstick, hand-written professions, transparency, long naps, cut-off t-shirts, personalization, low batteries, the August sun, counting down days, alone time, fresh paint, overcoming obstacles, doing it well, big plans, saying “no”, being the bigger person, the look on your face after an intense mediation, golden kiwis, made beds, deep sleep, morning kisses, blackened pages in my journal, the sensual nature of reality, dreams coming true, being me for me, sharing myself with you