August 23rd, 2019

(no subject)

I dreamt of my cats last night. Something about people leaving my doors open and having to keep them caged. But every time I went to check on them they’d broken the door (cute) and escaped to come find me. My best friends.

I would do anything for them. We read each other’s Minds. They receive me on a level that nothing and no one else in the world has ever. I talk to them for hours.

My favorite word is ‘wildlife’ but I think my next favorite is ‘dreamt’

(no subject)

It is an insanely beautiful day out today. It can’t be more than 70 degrees and the breeze is magnificent. There is some festival going on in front of my apartment and my pregnant nose tells me the food would be good but my common sense isn’t convinced. I spent my morning painting trim. And we bought an old cigar case to use for the ‘cash register’ area of the shop. $300 and fate. It’s perfect. My nails are covered in paint and it gives me some mild discomfort but it’s part of it I guess. I feel a general exhaustion but the best kind- the kind that only comes from getting things done, from making progress.

Perhaps I’ll eat some hummus or maybe something else. Maybe make some tea. I have a lot of paperwork to catch up on but my goodness I don’t feel like doing it. I am very pregnant and very feeling it. Very.

All in all, things are good. I’m getting better at knowing this even when I don’t feel like admitting it. Things are good. It is a privilege to exist at all and here we are, doing it.

I think I’ll go on a walk alone. Maybe with my dog. I want to bring a book and find a quiet space but the streets are filled with people. So many people. Just the thought of all of them, their energy (their lives and love and pain) makes me feel drained. Some days you just can’t turn it off.

I love Livejournal because it allows me to just write. About nothing and everything. Which encourages me to notice. So much goes by without a second thought. It’s probably for the best.

Some days I want my body back and other days I relish the company. Some days both are true. I do feel more at home now that I found some denim and I know this won’t last long. Longing and lasting and craving and dismay.

I’m happy to be here. That’s all I need to know.