September 5th, 2019

Strategy vs sympathy

I am in an inbetween and that’s okay. There is no place I need to be.

Here now.

If being here is enough, I am doing it man.

For a moment I forgot to...

I don’t know if I can remember.

*still a fucking idiot

I am highly favored. I’m so happy I could burst. I understand that if you want to feel heard, you must first listen. I am proud of myself for being able to swallow my pride and hear you. You need my understanding. The tendency is to want others to rush to the conclusion you choose for them. The reality is the unlikeliness of that happening. It is easy to push away the thing you want most just because you have it. I choose to choose now. I choose to come to you open and loving. Open enough to voice my needs and open enough to accept your love. I feel wanted and desired. I feel you. It has been a rough couple days ( and weeks and ) for all of us. Some more than others and in different ways. My focus is on you. My focus is on me. My focus is on giving my baby the best example of happiness and truth and everything that life is about.

I could complain. I could pity myself. I could push you further away but that isn’t what I want. I want you closer than ever. I want you here, home, with me. I want your good days and your bad days. I want your hands on my body. I want you deeper. I choose to let you in.

I can’t wait to meet the baby we made. The human we created. I’ve always wanted you to be the father of my child and this is the reality. You will be a great dad. You are loving and gentle and strong and fun. We are stronger now. Better than before. We have become the people our child deserves. How amazing is that? Thank you for changing me and adapting with me. Thank you for showing me that I am what you need. What you want. I want nothing but you. I am here, now, yours, forever. I will never make you doubt my love again.