I’m getting better at catching it. That odd space just before a final descent into sadness and despair has been my sanctuary. It’s given me the space to reflect and most importantly to choose. I never realized the notion of choice in my perspective shifts, my dance between joy and the utter lack of. I’ve realized my habits and tendencies. How I sleep too much, how my anxiety surges. How I feel completely unprepared for the world. Succumbing to this pull is what allows my fall. I will not allow it.
Intention is the savior. I am the savior. It is part of the natural rhythm of this world. I am part of it too. These aren’t signs of doom they are calls for self-attention and they should be treated as such. I deserve the love and attention I offer everyone else. The empathy I feel for them seems so far away from me and mine. I can not give it away anymore. It’s all about me and us. I live with love but I do not owe flattery or favors to anyone. I feel more whole already.
The plan is in action. I believe in myself. More meditation, more movement. I have to get it out of my head and put it on paper. No more television. Much less pot. The inner world is rich with inspiration and I am seeking now.
Surrender not succumb.