My eyes have been puffy for days. I’ve been crying a lot. Everything and everyone has been making me cry. The tears form. I release them but feel no burden relieved. Some times you just have to try. Music sounds deeper to me now. I feel it differently. Much like the wet grass and sunshine feel strange to me these days. I wish you didn’t break my favorite pot but I’ll replace it, again. “Help” is subjective and most days I’d rather do it alone even if it’s hard. I prefer myself and it’s that simple. I am familiar with my effort and my longing and my processes no matter the time and change. Sometimes you just need darkness and candles and beautiful tunes. Sometimes you just need to let it be. Acceptance isn’t the final step, it’s the first. Not what you really wanted but how would you know? I give. It’s familiar, not comfortable. I take it. Again. I sit in my chair and I look up to the sky. It’s grey and I can’t tell if there are no clouds or only clouds. The in-between is a home away from. My birds are hiding from the rain and some things are just instinctual. There are no winners and losers outside of perception. There is no shame if you don’t want it.
If you don’t mind, who does?
I felt my baby’s head last night, pressed in between my ribs. For me, for you, now. Nothing else, elsewhere.