cagejam (cagejam) wrote,
cagejam
cagejam

The sun is hot today. It’s an oppressive heat. No shoes no feet.
I am experiencing a rebirth. The pushing rattles my bones and I can see the light clearly now. There is so much to be grateful for and it all comes to mind. All at once. Come to me. It is mine. I do feel remorse but not resentment. I feel a pain but it does not stem from the things that would have once brought me pain. It hurts good. My skin is shedding and I am amazed by what is underneath. Perpetual bliss. I get it. I believe in this. I haven’t chosen in a long time, instead I settled. I haven’t been certain for a long time but now I am sure. I was becoming just like them and you were too. Fit into a mold designed for and by someone else. Reaction, at all times. Like an unwritten, unspoken script. The same words you’d have heard from anyone else. I give you permission to mourn. I give you permission to feel. I accept you as you are, I release my expectations. That is love. In any form, I am yours. In all the people we have been and will be. I hear the words you do not speak and I do not take them personally. I don’t resent anything that makes you who you are. I don’t hold your lessons against you. I love to watch you grow and I know it is never my place to take it personally. Even if you wanted to go, I would say goodbye. I am in love with you. I am love. I am with you. I choose not to get defensive when you need me most. I choose how I act. I have done much worse. I have been ashamed of the way I treated you. I took you for granted and I accept that. I accept responsibility for the things I did and did not do. I choose me. I choose to allow this life to fill me with experience and emotion and love and sorrow. I do not take it personally. I am not weak. I am not naive. I am who I choose to be. I choose to be here, now, with you.
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