cagejam (cagejam) wrote,

My insides feel funny today. We have a doctor’s appointment shortly and I’m excited. I’m excited to be a mom and to learn and to grow. I am happy to be open and willing And in a position where I can be those things. There is so much shame, already, projected. It doesn’t matter how anyone else raises their children. Truly and honestly. Instagram is so unhealthy in that regard. To the mother who follows every step perfectly and overplans, to the mother who feels like they can’t do it and does what they can- it’s all the same. Still fated in its own way. It’s horrible to shame the less prepared just as it is the over prepared. There is nothing wrong with having standards for yourself and there is nothing wrong with falling short. It is never someone else’s place to speak on it though. Pure projection of one’s own insecurities regarding their own choices and abilities. If someone else’s choice makes you angry, is the anger toward them or toward yourself? Motherhood is enormous. There is room for every choice or inability to choose. I couldn’t tell you what my friends did while raising their own children and frankly I don’t care. I trust that they do what they think is best. I trust that they are capable people. Just as I trust that I am capable and that my choices are valid. I have a specific memory of being young, maybe 2 or 3, at a friend’s house. She used a pacifier and sucked her thumb. I can’t remember the particular situation but I do remember her mother kept shoving a pacifier in my mouth and I didn’t want it. This is an experience unique to me and, as with all experience, it colors my choices and biases toward how I raise my own child. It is presumptuous to assume that any mother cares what another mother is doing- that someone else has such weight that their choice alone is fueling one’s tendency away from said choice in their own world. Silly. Encouragement. I encourage breast feeding and formula feeding, screen time or no screen time, noise machines or not, reading or not, not because I think one is better than the other but because i encourage mothers. I encourage instilling the confidence in those around me that whatever they choose is valid. That their choice alone makes it valid. What we need is compassion. Understanding. Love. Trust. Keep your shame to yourself, it is not welcome here. I will never feel shame for making the right choice for me, experienced or not.

It’s silly how I can say “I won’t buy a $400 bag, it isn’t worth it to me, it’s not my style” and this opinion/decision is accepted. But as soon as mothering is involved we view a choice made by someone else as a diss on our own choices- as if it’s something personal. It isn’t. Let people live.


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