cagejam (cagejam) wrote,
cagejam
cagejam

One of the most intense and meaningful epiphanies I’ve had this year has been regarding my confidence. I’d never doubted my self confidence before, it was something I assumed that I had. Truly it was something different- it was a type of comfort and complacency. I was only “confident” regarding things I was familiar with. More so just not being shy. But I lacked a deep belief in myself. I lacked the strength to try new things, I lacked the strength to put myself out there in a vulnerable way. My “confidence” came from manipulating the way I was perceived, and that isn’t confidence at all. It is a deep insecurity. I remember the exact moment I had this realization- it was when my older sister had arrived from California and we were brainstorming about the shop. I stopped dead in my tracks.

Since then I’ve been doing a lot of work to build a lasting belief in myself. It’s something I actively work on almost every day through paying attention to my actions and responses. To the way I feel in different scenarios. This process has allowed me to get to know myself on an entirely new level. I am eager to continue the process. To know myself more deeply. Every. Day.
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