cagejam (cagejam) wrote,

One of the most intense and meaningful epiphanies I’ve had this year has been regarding my confidence. I’d never doubted my self confidence before, it was something I assumed that I had. Truly it was something different- it was a type of comfort and complacency. I was only “confident” regarding things I was familiar with. More so just not being shy. But I lacked a deep belief in myself. I lacked the strength to try new things, I lacked the strength to put myself out there in a vulnerable way. My “confidence” came from manipulating the way I was perceived, and that isn’t confidence at all. It is a deep insecurity. I remember the exact moment I had this realization- it was when my older sister had arrived from California and we were brainstorming about the shop. I stopped dead in my tracks.

Since then I’ve been doing a lot of work to build a lasting belief in myself. It’s something I actively work on almost every day through paying attention to my actions and responses. To the way I feel in different scenarios. This process has allowed me to get to know myself on an entirely new level. I am eager to continue the process. To know myself more deeply. Every. Day.

  • (no subject)

    her submission is worth nothing when she submits to anything

  • 2 me, too me

    I don't even want that kind of attention, I just want to want it

  • (no subject)

    absence of presence presence of absence

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