cagejam (cagejam) wrote,
cagejam
cagejam

honey and acid

It was time to delete Instagram from my phone again. Mindlessness, mindless mess, has no place here. I could be creating, doing, seeing, making, loving so I choose these things instead. Intentionally. Mindfully. I am at my most artful when I distance myself from the standard social media. Without the scrolling there is plenty of time to lay on the floor and stare at the ceiling, organize trinkets, thoughtfully dress, rub bellies, give kisses, watch the rain, delve into thoughts. It’s basic math and these apples taste great.

As it is after any huge transition- these moments are crucial. The choices I make now will solidify into habits and routines, so I am mindful. Caring but not too careful. Absolutely focused on who I want to be. Showing love to who I am. As I watch you watch me- I am in love. I am in love with you and with this new me. Reciprocity. You stare up at me in awe as your mind soaks in every bit, turning my reality into a lesson for you. I will make it loving, tender, honest. I would do anything for you so I must, for me too.

My planner is full and most everything has a line through it. God damnit! We are doing it!
I feel fresh, I feel.
Refreshed.

The weight of my obligations is a joyful embrace. I long to be myself, wherever that is. I feel no dread about dishes or mopping. Laundry doesn’t push me to procrastinate. I am not avoiding life anymore. I choose to be an active participant, fully and presently and here. I choose. This is where I want to be, exactly who we are.
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