cagejam (cagejam) wrote,
cagejam
cagejam

Somehow I’m able to post again. Lately when I load livejournal the page never finishes loading, leaving me unable to type. What a pain! ;)

Lately things are going smoother, but I am beginning to feel the pants of mom guilt. An entirely new feeling for me. Is it too late? To early? Am I being present enough? Could I be more present? It’s never- ending. The online perspective of “you kept them alive, go mom!” makes me somewhat nauseous as if that isn’t the bare (legal) minimum.

But once I set those feelings aside, and my view is clear, I see things for what they are. My home feels home-y. I feel loving. Business is being taken care of. I start at the shop December 17th to work Tuesdays and Wednesdays. Simple doings. Simply done. My sister has been running the shop in my absence and doing a great job at that. I’m excited to have a reason to get dressed up (I get dressed up every day for my own sake as it is) and get out there. And then I will work 2 days a month at the restaurants for extra money. It’s hard to turn down $400-500 for two day’s work. So I won’t.

I am reminded that in the modern day it is wise to have more than one source of income. I am reminded that these reminders come from a pure and holy place and that they are to be respected. I am reminded of much else, often.

My jeans are beginning to fit again. I am transitioning back to my original form, for the most part. Why this is so important to me is beyond my inherent understanding. The importance persists nonetheless.

Our newer car will be here within a week. My abundance candle has brought about several surprises regarding money and my obtaining it. No complaints. The magic is strong and effective.

I am god, godly, goodness and grace.
It is colder now and I am making the most. Mostly. Always.
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    Disassemble faulty parts. Rebuild or discard. You do not have to weigh yourself down. I do not have to weigh myself down. Does the weight come…

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    I never actually want to be in charge

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