Language is so far beyond words.
The person I am teaches my daughter everything she knows. Whether or not i realize, even in quiet moments, everything I am is all she knows.
I had a strange nostalgia yesterday when Loren played Minus the Bear (of all music). Something about zip up hoodies, skin tight, jeans the like. That feeling of growing up when we did. A bygone time, isn’t that wild? Just like tomorrow makes today. Nothing stays not even you. It’s always moving, the future belongs to someone else. Not us. And not even them.
I painted French tips on my nails and it’s my new look. In general, I feel motherly, young, old, ready, unfamiliar, clean, conscious and a little distracted.
My heart goes out to babies with flat heads and babies left to cry. Hedy is a lucky girl and I remind her often. I remind myself of the same.
We listen to more classical music than ever. Not in an attempt to make Hedy any more intelligent -the child needs no help with that- She faces the same isolation that all of us in a similar position face- but because we like it.
I imagine where I’ll be at 30. I always assumed I’d be dead but I don’t feel that way anymore. The future is as wide open as ever and the potential is screaming.
I feel mostly amaZed, mostly capable, mostly myself.
What is not but should be just might.