cagejam (cagejam) wrote,

I’ve been having such a difficult time with Livejournal. But today it allowed me to post and I will take it.

I am a married woman. Upon marrying Loren, my name became Mercedes (8) Rochelle (8) Lawrence (8). My numbers infiltrate every aspect of my existence. I am on the right path and I am reminded constantly. Perpetually. I am really coming into myself these days. The spiral is alive and thriving, bringing me back to places and thoughts and beliefs just to prove (to me) that I deserve to be where I am. I am deserving. Abundance is abundant. Our new car is a dream, more than I could have asked for. Everything is going and it is going well. I have no legitimate complaints.

Every morning I cut my fruit and do my yoga and meditate and wash and brush and apply makeup and stretch and grow and clean up. I am disciplined. I don’t miss days. I add more and more things to my days, creating habits. Things that stick. Hedy likes to sleep in for right now so I take advantage of that. Working with what I’m given is beginning to come naturally. Inherent. I am actively becoming. I am one with all. I could see how others might look at me strangely when I speak. Magic rolls off my tongue. I am learning to live entirely according to my beliefs. The sacred relationship of. I want to embody magic and mystery in all ways. I want to live by example, exemplifing the truth. And I do.

My older sister was pushed to tears explaining my energy. Angelic, she says. From the future, as a guide. I feel as much. I hear “I don’t belong here” often enough. But you do and I do. To deny your place and purpose is to deny your very nature. Separate from oneself. These beliefs lead to fractures of the spirit. Oneness, unification, acceptance. I move closer every day. To my purpose, mission and self.

I’m falling in love with myself all over again. With my life. With my essence. I am amazed by who I am. I’m so special. Unique. Strange. Interesting. I am my best friend. Being a mother has taught me more in the last 2 1/2 months.... There is nothing in my life I would change.

I am a great mother. I am becoming a better wife. I am glorious. My life is a dream. Whatever is next is already perfect. I am open and all.

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