I dusted the snow from the bird food tray and fed my wild beasts. The ground is covered but I’m sure it will melt. Hedy is fast asleep. Loren is at work. I am savoring my last few days of no obligation. Where my only responsibility is keeping my baby alive and keeping myself happy. I begin work at the shop next week, readings are scheduled. And from then on it is go-time. Time to go. Time to get it going, truly. We’ve avoided advertising because I hadn’t been available to work. I’d taken a break from making candles and we took a break from ordering. I’ve begun planning my workshops, and now need to elaborate on these plans. Specificity. What a beautiful word.
The realizations haven’t stopped and it makes me wonder if they ever will. Or if my existence is now a string of gradual understanding to the most intense degree. Understanding and remembering are not the same, but I am remembering more often too.
I am remembering not to get bored. How in times of pain and sadness we cry out for this normalcy that is otherwise taken for granted. Nothing is wrong and that is cause for celebration every time.
I’ve been putting honey in my coffee and satin on my skin. I can’t believe a lot of things but none of that is up to me. Here I am! Wild and free and ..domesticated beyond belief. It is strange the things we run from.